What the hell am I supposed to do with this jumbo thong bikini?

Here are random facts about Arby's, your favorite second-tier non-burger based fast food restaurant.

Arby’s Fact #22: Arby’s “Curly Fries” are actually straight fries that are doubled over in pain from eating at Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #34: The Department of Social Services will place your child in protective custody if you feed them Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #64: Even the infamous Donner Party would not have resorted to eating Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #101: Military personnel are still forbidden to openly discuss their preference for Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #57: Many conspiracy theorists believe Heath Ledger’s death was caused by Arby’s.

Arby's Fact #82: Feeding Arby's to prisoners of war is banned under the Geneva Convention.

Arby’s Fact #53: The website bedbugregistry.com verifies that there are no reported cases of bedbug infestation at any of the 3,688 Arby’s restaurants in the United States and Canada.

Arby’s Fact #47: Arby’s roast beef may not contain more than 20% "mob informant."

Arby’s Fact #33: According to the American Board of Veterinary Practitioners, dogs prefer the sweet tang of poisonous anti-freeze over the taste of Arby’s roast beef sandwiches.

Arby’s Fact #25: Giving an Arby’s Gift Card as a present in your office’s Secret Santa gift exchange will get you fired.

Arby’s Fact #12: If you boyfriend/Girlfriend suggests dinner at Arby’s, they are going to break-up with you.

Arby’s Fact #8: Even Arby’s fountain soda sucks.

Arby’s Fact #36: Terence Trent D'Arby’s failed career as a pop singer is blamed on the unfortunate coincidence that his name reminds people of Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #48: North Korean dictators and pedophiles love Arby’s.

Arby’s Fact #61: Arby’s “Horsy Sauce” is flavored with children’s tears.